Fair warning.

Me to smaller hooligan:  "Please go change into clean pants and a shirt with a collar.  We are going to a nice dinner at Mamie's.  You need to look nice."
Smaller Hooligan (wearing filthy sweats and a tshirt that I know he slept in): "These clothes are FINE."
Me:  "They are grubby.  I put the party clothes on your bed.  Mamie's friends will be at her house and it is respectful to your hostess to look nice when you go to a party.  It is not a choice.  Go change now or we will leave you at home by yourself (empty threat)."
Smaller Hooligan, stomps up the stairs, turns and scowls, "Mom, I am going to show you my MIDDLE FINGER."

Snort.

He did change.  And he did not actually show me his middle finger.  That boy is all talk.  Did he win, because he made me laugh? Or did I win because I got him to tidy up?

Another one, who would prefer not to ride the bus.

We are trying out a new piano teacher/lesson venue.  On the way home I mentioned that we could take the bus in the future, and wouldn't that be fun?

"NO WAY!!" exclaimed the smaller hooligan, "Because EVERY time I ride a bus, a guy with rotten eggs in his beard sits next to me and it smells horrible."

Now that he mentions it, it's true.  Maybe we could wear face masks, or wait until the weather is warmer and the windows can be open.

A non sequetorial question, posed by the Small Hooligan:

Mom, would you rather get taken away and eaten by an alien, or would you rather eat a snail?

Since I get violently sick when I eat shellfish, and I don't think being devoured by alien life forms is an immediate threat, I chose the former.  Plus I doubt I could fight off an alien who was determined to devour me anyway.