gold chain, chest hair, handlebar mustache, hot tub

The Man Who Lives In My House is the proud owner of one of the above  items.  That would be the hot tub.  With luck, he may someday have the other three.  Please note:  It is not MY hot tub.  HIS hot tub resides in MY yard.  I have issues with the aesthetics (or lack thereof) of hot tubs.  I could not picture a place where I would NOT find a big plastic tank surrounded by fake wood paneling visually offensive.  This led to a lot of discussions.  Also some hissy fits (on my part).  Our brilliant contractor/marriage counselor, Eric Scott came up with the solution.  He placed the tub in the remotest corner of the yard.  It is screened even in winter by shrubs and trees and flower beds.  It's a longer walk from our back door to the tub, but we are filling in the gravel back patio and paths with random slate flags-- which I've been thinking about doing since we moved in.  So we're both getting something we want.  The hooligans are with him in the tub now.  It's so far from my office I can't hear a thing.  Why didn't we get one sooner? Why don't I go buy him a big gold chain?  Why doesn't he grow a big ol' 'stache?  The chest hair--I'm not sure how he'll go about getting that....