FATPANTS

Keri:  "So you were in Portland!  Did you shop?  What did you buy?  What did you buy for me?"

Me:  "I did shop, but it was not especially interesting.  I was on a mission for bras.  Do you know how hard it is to find 36A bras?  Especially 36As that are not stuffed with a bunch of foam to make your boobs appear larger.  I just want normal bras that will prevent my small boobs from falling to my waist. I don't wish to look like I've had plastic surgery."

Keri:  "I do not suffer from this problem.  Did you find some?"

Me:  "Yes!  One black, one white, and one electric blue.  And I got these great pants.  They are not tight!  Or Skinny!  I am over skinny pants.  I am all about fat pants."

Keri:  "No!  That is a terrible Idea!  We do not need fat pants, what we need is a diet."

Me:  "Screw the diet.  I love these pants.  My ass crack is safe from exposure and my muffin top is being embraced, not squeezed.  Now wouldn't you like another donut?"