My sister to me: I just asked Senor Cupcake to stop moaning and he said, "No, I still need to moan right now."
My reply: Why is my nephew moaning? Or does he just want to be featured on Auntie's blog? Consider it done. Give that child a cookie. Chop chop!
My sister: Unspecified dissatisfaction.
Me: You are the meanest mom in the whole world! I've been usurped! I'm going to tell the Hooligans!
My sister: You told me to start early.
Me: Yes, with chores and vegetables, I never said no cookies. I am pro-cookie.
My sister: Your nephew says "OOOOHHHHH."Very dramatic. And he gets plenty of cookies. Ever since xmas it's all dessert, all the time.
Me: Oh thank god. I was tired of getting in trouble for sneaking him cookies. I just made cookies this afternoon. Tell him Auntie Cake says MMMMMMMM.
My sister: What kind?
Me: Chocolate chip with ground almonds and coconut and currents and walnuts. They are almost healthy.
My sister: YYHTTTYPUPUPUFTFXUG
Me: That's what I think.
My sister: That's what Senor Cupcake thinks of healthy cookies.
Me: These are good! They have sugar and everything! I am at the vet right now, because I love to give the vet all of our money. Tell Senor Cupcake to become a vet: It's perfect because it will satisfy any rebellious urges he may have as the product of a pet free home, plus he will be terribly rich.*
My sister: Nice. He can provide us with companion animals for our old age.
Me: I am already old. The hooligans are my companion animals. I can't really picture you guys with a poodle.
My sister: What about a nice mid-sized mutt? Aren't we cute?
*I don't really think vets are terribly rich, it just seems that way to me when I have to keep bringing my high maintenance mutt, turtles, etc. in to see ours. She has skills that are invaluable! She deals with stool samples. I am so glad I can outsource that! It is worth every penny. She is going to save me money by removing Otto's nasty skin tags when she puts him under to clean his nasty teeth. Why do I love dogs? It is a sickness, clearly.
My sister had just sent me this picture when our vet came back into the exam room with the verdict: Otto's blood work is good; he can handle anesthesia; he does not have heartworm; the reason he is scratching and chewing on himself all the time is not yeast or fungus or doggie psoriasis or anything so exotic. He has fleas.
Fleas! That is so retro. Nobody has fleas anymore. We all dose up our mammalian pets with that magical Frontline tincture and the fleas go away. Except they don't--they evolve. Now we will give Otto a new kind of tincture, which will eliminate the Fleas for a few more generations. All in all, an educational and amusing afternoon.