Sunday, November 27, 2011

Less than ideal.

If you don't like your husband, I have a suggestion:  get him a TV.  We have just completed a remodel of our tiny one-car garage.  It used to be a dark junk repository.  It is now a small, bright TV/guest room.  We have not had a television for years, depending, instead, on our computer moniter and netflix for perfectly adequate access to media.

Now we have a TV.  It is hugantic.  The Man Who Lives In My House (I think he still lives here, anyway) disappears for hours at a time, particularly on weekend afternoons.  I believe he is watching football.

It should be noted that I had NO IDEA that he had any interest in football in the first year(s) that I knew him.  During our very newly married era I would notice the old hand-me-down black and white television would be turned on to football when I passed through the living room.  I would snap it off (It had a dial! And knobs! Remember those?) and go about my business.  Later I would notice it was on again.

"Why do you keep turning on the football? "  I asked him.
"Well it's the Broncos." he aswered, as if this meant something.

I feel to this day that I was tricked, slightly.  I was unaware that I'd married a sports fan.  This would not necessarily have been a deal breaker, but it still rubs my fur the wrong way.  Football.  I'll watch if my kid is playing, but that's it.  I've gone to superbowl parties, but I only stay long enough to eat a bunch of wings.  Then I pretend I have a headache and leave.

If you happen to have a husband who needs banishing, a bigger TV might be a great solution!  Unfortunately, I am fond of mine.  I find I miss him.  I don't expect him to help me hang up the Christmas lights.  I know he thinks they are silly.  I do hope he doesn't have the volume up so high that he can't hear my screams if I slip and fall off the roof.  I guess he feels fairly confident of my safety, as it is flat.  Still!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Target Audience

To my thrifting partner in crime/nemesis:

Hope you're having a great trip.  You'll be interested to know there is a new thrift store on River Road.  It's a big one!  I plan on checking it out/scooping up all the good stuff tomorrow.  See you in a week.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Good Vibes

My friend stopped by for coffee.  I can't say any thing else about our interaction because I promised to preserve her anonymity.

"Thank you!"  She said as she left.  "Give me a hug!  What if my plane crashes?  Here's what you must do:  Get into my house before my Mother In Law does and remove all my vibrators!  I love you!  See you in a week!"

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Artistic Expression

By the Smaller Hooligan

I would just like to inhabit his brain for one day.  

Friday, November 4, 2011

Mother was irked.

I left my elder son a note this morning:

Dear Larger Hooligan,

It appears that two nights ago, when you were looking for your soccer shorts, you pulled every other article of clothing from your cabinet and left it on the floor.  I cleaned it up this morning.  I found some of your money scattered on the floor, too. I am keeping it.

Love, Mom

Now I feel better.