Friday, October 24, 2014

While I was out on leave.....

I got to officiate a wedding this summer.  Our beloved onetime babysitter Trish moved to Norway to do a Phd. in Comparative Lit (beloved and brilliant).  While there she met an amazing and lovely Norwegian (read: Viking!!) named Trond.  In addition to being kind, clever, hardworking and handsome, he is a rock star.  

His band is called Dark Times.:   Trond is the one with long curly hair.  They tour and everything. So add talented to his list of attributes.   When Trish asked me if I would be an officiant at their wedding I was as flattered as I have ever been in my life.  

I started trying to write down some profound thoughts and they were really annoying.  So I decided not to overthink it.  Which, it occurred to me, is a good policy for marriage in general:  Don't overthink it.

I did need to say something semi coherent, though, so this is what I came up with:  

Marriage is the collision between romance and real life.   (Maybe I should have said intersection? a much gentler word choice.  Oh well, it is too late. )  

I went on to say what our preacher said to us:  which was:   

Have fun together.  Prioritize it, even when you are broke and stressed and surrounded by screaming babies.  Build some fun with into the budget and budget the time together.  Spending joyful, relaxing time together is not just a "bonus."  If it doesn't happen, how will you remember why you're together?  It's more important than a clean house.  And while a little money in the bank is important, spending a little bit of it on a bottle of wine or a weekend away now and then is also of great value. 

Make each other laugh so hard you are hyperventilating.  Cook for each other, make coffee in the morning, do the dishes at night.  If both of you act as if all the logistics are your job, neither of you will ever have the opportunity to resent doing the logistics:  you will think, oh, I should do the the dishes, oh wait, they are already done.  Was it the elves?  no, it was Trond/Trish.  How nice.  I must thank him/her, with a kiss, or something :).  

Pragmatic and mundane ideas, but marriage is a philosophical state put into practice.  It is easier to be happily committed when your partner sets a cup of hot coffee and the paper on your bedside table on his way to the shower.   A long time ago, Denis said to me, Love is a verb.  

Love is a verb.  And I am deeply appreciative of the coffee.  

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