Keri: "So you were in Portland! Did you shop? What did you buy? What did you buy for me?"
Me: "I did shop, but it was not especially interesting. I was on a mission for bras. Do you know how hard it is to find 36A bras? Especially 36As that are not stuffed with a bunch of foam to make your boobs appear larger. I just want normal bras that will prevent my small boobs from falling to my waist. I don't wish to look like I've had plastic surgery."
Keri: "I do not suffer from this problem. Did you find some?"
Me: "Yes! One black, one white, and one electric blue. And I got these great pants. They are not tight! Or Skinny! I am over skinny pants. I am all about fat pants."
Keri: "No! That is a terrible Idea! We do not need fat pants, what we need is a diet."
Me: "Screw the diet. I love these pants. My ass crack is safe from exposure and my muffin top is being embraced, not squeezed. Now wouldn't you like another donut?"