Wednesday, January 22, 2014

He looks so good, and acts so bad

The Man Who lives in my house was away for the weekend.  I took advantage of his absence to make "normal chicken" which he dislikes.  Everyone else loves normal chicken, everyone normal, that is.  You place your cut up chicken a baking dish, sprinkle it with salt and pepper and parmesan cheese and bake it at 350 for an hour.

So there were six chicken thighs in a pan atop the stove, the oven was pre-heating, and I was around the corner in my office nook, working on our taxes.  I heard a clunking noise, and ssumed that the puppy (now 110 lbs, mostly head and teeth) was playing with his food bowl.  He does this in hopes that I will notice and decide to feed him (again).  He and the larger hooligan have a lot in common.

I ignored him until I wrapped up my tax project.  I came around the corner to see the dog whisking off under the table in a furtive and guilty manner.   The pan of chicken was completely empty.

Six chicken thighs had gone down the hatch.

One or two chicken thighs would have been manageable, but I did not want to deal with chicken thigh regurgitation at 4 in the morning.  I put the dog in the yard and tore off to the market for more chicken, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

Upon my return I trapped Magnus between my knees, tipped his head back and poured a 1 oz shot of hydrogen peroxide down his throat.  I held his jaw shut  and gave him a little shake, and sent him out onto the back lawn.  30 minutes later we had a mess to clean up, but at least it was outside.

I learned this useful bit of animal husbandry years ago, during my first dog's tenure.  She was a chubby lab who  once levitated to the top of the fridge to consume an entire cheesecake.  Levitation is the only plausible explanation.  Another time she ate a pound of Belgian dark chocolate--it was wrapped up for Christmas, we didn't know.  Forcing her to bring up whatever inappropriate thing she had wolfed down was fairly routine.  And not going to the vet saves about $90.

All I can say is it's a good thing he's cute.

1 comment:

  1. 6 chicken thighs? Yikes! Maybe a couple episodes of the dog whisperer is in order?